You Can Go Uruguay...

Punctuality matters in this country. Last night, Diego asked what time we wanted a wake-up call. We said 6:30, he said, "Okay, six," and then they went ahead and called us at 5:30. Diego knows best, so who are we to argue? They brought breakfast in promptly at 6:00. This was their first visit, and NOT the last.

Phone call to lobby #1: Hi, can we have fake sugar for the coffee?

Man: Oh, yes! Yes!

Man arrives with sugar packets and leaves. It is not fake sweetener.

Phone call to lobby #2: Hi, we actually wanted FAKE sugar. Um... sugar sin sugar. Sin sugar?

Man: Oh, yes! I see! Yes! How many?

Shandon: Five.

Man arrives with five... croissants. True story.

Shandon: No, we wanted artificial sweetener, like Sweet and Low or Equal....

Man: Oh, yes! I see! Yes!

We were starting to think that perhaps, just maybe, he didn't quite see. But we did get five croissants out of the situation, so that's a plus. He came back with the "sugar sin sugar" and thanked us profusely for helping him meet his Fitbit step goal, all before 7 a.m. Not really.

Phone calls #3 and #4 involved more coffee and asking for him to call us a cab. If that won't put a post-it in your hotel file as annoying guests, I don't know what will.

Our cab driver took us to the ferry port, and pretty sure they based Grand Theft Auto on his driving skills. When he saw a corner coming up, he preferred to hit the gas rather than the brake; that's WAYYY more fun.

You know what else is fun? Argentinian Immigration Control. We got our exit stamp to leave Buenos Aires, then you just have to turn a full 180 to get your entry stamp into Uruguay from the counter right behind you. Very efficient.

One hour on the ferry and a trip through customs and we were on Uruguayian (??) soil. We wandered the town of Colonia all day and it was glorious. Lighthouse? Saw it. Stone wall? Climbed it. Cafe con leche? Drank it. Cobblestone streets? Tripped all over it. Old ruins? Loved it.

Colonia was just the best place to wander. When we got back to Buenos Aires, it was about 5:30, which in America is about time to wrap up the day. In Argentina, you have to get your second wind so you can make it to restaurant-opening time, which is 8 p.m. Soooo we went on an excursion to find the best local coffee shop - nothing commercialized for us. More lies. We were looking for Starbucks. Any Starbucks. That adventure was a fail, and we eventually had to give up and get a taxi to take us back to the Palermo neighborhood. That was almost a fail too, when the first cab driver denied us because it was just a bit too far for him to bother driving. We eventually found someone willing to take our 140 Argentinian pesos, and exactly twelve seconds after getting in the cab, we pulled up in front of... you guessed it... Starbucks. Fails all around.

We attempted to go to Sarkis restaurant (the food of my people), but the line was around the corner right at 8:00; all was well, though... we ended up with phenomenal tacos and called it a night. Next up... Iguazu!

Argentinian Adventuring

We're baaaaaaaaack! This time, we dusted off the ol' passports and headed for the best hemisphere of all... the Southern Hemisphere. We left bright and early to head to LAX to catch our connecting flight to Lima, Peru. We left Fresno with about thirty-seven hours to spare, but that's what happens when you travel with people as anxious about missing a flight as you are.

We spent our many hours wandering around the international terminal, watching the Warriors game, and making some serious last minute purchases. As in, neck pillows and airport books. You know, the important stuff.

This day made me grateful for many things:

1. The dedication Latam Airlines workers have to their jobs. I mean, we stood waiting for an employee to answer a quick question for at least 8 minutes while he straightened the posts for how to line up, while muttering, "Uno momento," over and over. If that doesn't scream Employee of the Month, I don't know what does.

2. Latam Airlines' quota for caloric intake. They like to feed you on their flights. 10:30 p.m.? How about a beef stew? Two vegetarian plates? How about a soy burger for you and a ravioli plate for you? You don't get to choose, just eat. 5:30 a.m.? Spinach and potatoes for everyone! 10:30 a.m.? How about an omelette of just eggs? In the meantime, if you are awake and your seat mates are sleeping, a flight attendant will reward you for good behavior with a Twix.

3. Latam Airlines blankets. Some airlines give you a washcloth-sized rag as you shiver your ways across lines of latitude. Not Latam. They went for the whole yard; and for that, we are really and truly grateful.

4. Latam Airlines safety policies. SOMEONE must have tipped them off on my trick of blatantly ignoring the seatbelt demonstration. P.S. Don't bother acting like you're sleeping. They will poke you, then wait oh-so-patiently until they hear the seatbelt click. Safety first.

5. The Parent of the Year behind us who told her two small children to keep their feet away from the seats in front of them. Seriously, not one teeny tiny kick in 8 hours. Bravo, Mom.

6. The lack of traffic on the 405.

7. Just kidding about #6. Making sure you were awake.

We made it to Lima safe and sound (and well fed), and were able to cut our four-hour layover into thirty minutes by getting on an earlier flight to Buenos Aires.

I don't know about you, but on the Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear on a Flight, I have, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are spraying aerosol throughout the cabin. Do not panic. It is not toxic to your health...." It happened, but we survived. Everyone was so glad to not be poisoned that the entire airplane applauded upon touching ground. We had a quick ATM issue that was resolved in no time. We had booked a taxi back in like March of 2014 (one of us is really a planner), so a porter was ready and willing to take us. He managed to get us all the way from the airport doors to the taxi driver (quite a feat... we are talking AT LEAST 40 yards), after which he repeated, "A tip for the porter. Ma'am? A tip for the porter?!" Tracy and I stared blankly, not understanding in the slightest, but Shandon speaks Argentinian porter, apparently.

An hour later we were at our hotel and Diego was waiting with waters (two sparkling, one flat, please), and three converter plugs. Basically all we need... ever. Since the nation was on siesta, we had to wait until 8 pm for the restaurants to open, so we spent our time finding our local market and our local bakery and experimenting crossing major streets without crosswalks. Dinner was seafood and day one is done!

Tromso. TromsGO. TromSNOW.

So, there's that pesky little line on the bucket list: "See the Northern Lights." Sometimes you attempt to see them in June in Norway, which really means you just didn't bother googling that it is impossible, since the sun never sets in the summer. So sometimes you have to go BACK to Norway again....

I was prepared this time! We had protein bars galore because everyone knows you can't really afford to eat in that country, and I had some leftover krone in my wallet that I had to separate from the Abraham Lincolns. Fun fact: the Norwegian krone coins have holes in the middle. This means every time you grab a kroner, you think of donuts, and you also think how you are not willing to spend six bucks on a donut in this place. Back to business....

Nyrie (cousin on my mom's side) and I left Fresno at the break of dawn and picked up Gray (cousin on my dad's side) in Visalia shortly thereafter. The quote of the day was when Nyrie was telling a story about a recent trip and Gray said MOST incredulously, "You went on an international trip with someone you JUST met?" There was a long pause for dramatic effect because about an hour earlier I had been introducing these two BFFs in the car.

We each had our own row on the flight on the way over, which was glorious. Glorious.

Our first stop was Stockholm, Sweden, and there is nothing like a long enough layover to get a stamp in your passport by wandering the big city for a few! The train from the airport to Stockholm featured a "3 for 1" special. We ordered 6. Three to get there, three to get back, yes? Makes perfect sense, agreed? WRONG. Turns out we needed one ticket for all three of us, which means we paid what equated to $300 to go fifteen minutes on a train. Oh, Stockholm. You kill us with your confusing kiosks. In case you're concerned, we got a refund and all was well in the world. Our trek into Stockholm consisted of coffee (kaffe), a church, and a market in a square. Then back to our flights... we stopped in Oslo for a bit. Not long enough to explore, but long enough to explore the duty-free shops looking for Haribo tropi-fruiti gummies. You know you might have a sugar addiction when you have a favorite candy in every port. It's a problem because you can't find these candies in America, and no matter how many you buy, you can never make the bag last to make it back to America. Oh the struggle.

We made it to Tromso, Norway, late on Wednesday. Our cab driver warned us Norwegians are "practical"... standby for examples. It was cold, but not miserable. On a scale of 1-5, with 1 being COLD and 5 being frostbite, it was a 1. Our first night consisted of wandering Tromso and finding our local restaurant - Huken's Pub. We would eventually eat there many, many times. They had three main dishes - blueberry pancakes, burger, and a "potato jacket" - a baked potato with toppings. We all swore we wanted to try each thing, but every time we returned I couldn't turn my back on that lovely potato jacket. We played Norwegian Scrabble at the place, which is basically like our Scrabble, only there are a ton of K's.

If "wander through a Hallmark movie" is on YOUR bucket list, I would like to highly recommend Tromso, Norway. That is the best visual I can give you.

Our first morning in Tromso it was dark as night, so we did what anyone would do. We asked Siri what time the sun would rise. That Siri. She never fails to amuse. "The sun will rise in Tromso, Norway, on January 17, 2017." *picture wide-eyed emoji* Gray: I thought it was the sun rising, but it was just some truck lights.... :) Because of the constant darkness (lightER between 12 and 2ish, but never sun) we basically just stayed on American time. We stayed up late each night and slept in late each morning.

A few examples of Norwegian most practical answers...

Nyrie: What do we do on the whale tour? Practical Norwegian: Look at whales.

Gray: Where is the pharmacy? Practical Norwegian: Further.

Nyrie: What is in the sandwich? Practical Norwegian: sandwich meats.

Some important statistics from the week...

Number of trips to urgent care... 1 (no Dayquil for you, you must get a prescription for that)

Games of Yahtzee played... 342ish

Coldest weather we encountered... -4

Snow angels made... 4

Times we thought Gray might legitimately have frostbite... 1.

Times we weren't able to figure out the Norwegian public bus system... I can't count that high.

The best adventure was New Years Eve. We met our tour at 6 and headed out to "chase" the Northern Lights with our tour guide, Jacek, and four of our new friends... a family from Thailand, and a traveler from Israel. Jacek was more pumped about the fireworks he had purchased for the evening than anything else, and that gave us an indication it was going to be a good night. We found the "aurora" about two hours outside of Tromso, away from the artificial light. It was relatively clear and we were able to get some photos and drink some hot chocolate and sit on reindeer skins and enjoy our full-on snow suits from Jacek. Cold level: 3. We wanted to cross into Finland, but Jacek got reports from a fellow chaser it wasn't clear over there, so unfortunately we couldn't check off another country that night. We did go through some serious snow storms as we searched for more clear skies, but the highlight (other than viewing the lights) was when it was thirty seconds from midnight. Jacek pulled over in a snowstorm, we blew our air horns, he shot off some fireworks that MAYBE leaned on the side of dangerous, we passed around ring cake, pulled some poppers, and had a most wonderful moment with our newest friends. We ended the evening with a bonfire, complete with reindeer sausage, whale burger, a Thailand vs. USA snowman building contest, and everyone having to push the van out of the snow when it got stuck. We got back to Tromso around 3 a.m. and celebrated New Years with New York and Chicago before heading to bed at 7 a.m. post Yahtzee-and-Tavloo tournamenting. We couldn't quite make it to the California New Year, but hey.

Another fun adventure was dog-sledding. Cold level: 4. Full snowsuits provided. We yelled MUSH about fifty million times and had ourselves a grand old time. The owner passed out coffee and a homemade cake treat (flat with "brown cheese" and sugar), and taught us his secret handshake.

Because Jacek couldn't get us into Finland, one day he sent his friend, Simone, to take us. Simone was the jam. He took us to the frozen fjords of the Arctic Ocean (see the Arctic Ocean? check.) and told us some people drive on them. We asked if we could walk on them, and Gray told him if we fell through, he could just leave. His response: Yes, I will walk away whistling. This is how we knew we would have a good time. And by good time... I mean smelling burning rubber every three minutes and Simone having to deal with the brake freezing to the... whatever a brake would freeze to in a vehicle. We made it to Finland and crossed the FINNISH line. That line never gets old... Cold level: 5. Enter our legitimate fear of frostbite... but worth it. Because, as they say, "It's not how you start. It's how you FINNISH." They don't say that. But we do when trying to brainstorm Finnish puns. One thing they do say here is "There is no such thing as bad weather. Just bad clothing."

After returning from Finland, we had a little downtime before heading out on our Northern Lights snowmobiling adventure! Again, we went about two hours outside of Tromso, this time to Camp Tamok, which looked like a bunch of giant tepees and nothing else. We took every warmth object they offered, from snowsuits to face masks to overboots to gloves. Cold level: 5 again... but ABSOLUTELY worth it. The Northern Lights were in FULL effect, even more impressive than what we had seen on New Years. They filled the whole sky and moved constantly. Just your average night at Camp Tamok... :) Snowmobiling was an adventure! Nyrie and I took turns and driving was definitely more fun, but as a passenger you could just lean your helmet back and watch the lights... so win win. Another win win was the reindeer stew waiting for us back in one of the giant tepees, along with more of the brown cheese dessert special.

The next day was our last in Tromso... we had the full day to enjoy one more potato jacket, one more frolic through the cutest town ever, and then we were off to Oslo. There we stayed awake all night in the Oslo airport (Yahtzee? Played it. Tavloo? Played it. Yoga? Did it.), followed by saying goodbye to Nyrie as we headed to a layover in Sweden and she headed to a layover in Newark. After Sweden, Gray and I boarded our eleven hour flight to LAX and completely passed out. It was the fastest flight of all time when you sleep through the whole thing. We made it to Los Angeles and guess what was waiting for us?? THE SUN!

Until next time... :)