A relaxing day at the pool...

Let's sleep in past 5:30, we said.

Let's have a relaxing day at the spa, we said.

Let's lie by the pool and rest our weary muscles, we said.

We lied.

Sleeping in for yours truly means closing in on double digits. Sleeping in for the other two crazies means waiting until the sun has just made an appearance over the horizon. Regardless, we all met our sleep quota, had a lovely breakfast, and realized there actually are other guests staying at the hotel. We thought we were the only ones, because there is never anyone around when we are eating our meals... as in 4 a.m. for breakfast. Anyway, we heard there was an hour long trail that loops around some Indian villages and back to our hotel. "Hour" must mean something different when in a country that uses the metric system. Four hours, a gajillion miles, and innumerable hills later, we finally looped back to our hotel road. The loop hike was quite the adventure, though. Any hike that includes Teresa the cab driver driving by and honking madly at us, stopping at an Indian village and having the women try to get you to buy wooden whistles that they oh-so-kindly demonstrate on, and running from growling stray dogs equals a good time.

We walked into town for lunch and ended up making it back to the hotel around 4. This was after a detour of stopping in at a soccer tournament (perdón, I mean futbol) and lining up in the soccer tunnel. I guess that is an international post-game activity. Best relaxing day by the pool ever.

We opted for dinner in... room service and all. This was no easy feat. First, they attempt to connect you with someone that speaks English. By hanging up on you. Repeatedly. Then you get a hold of them and ask for two eggs. Then they say it's not possible. Then Tracy offers to go get the food instead. Then it takes a lineup of seven hotel employees playing a game of Argentinian Telephone, trying to relay the message of "two eggs" to the chef. Dos huevos, we know.

It all worked out, we all got fed, and all was well.

This morning we said goodbye to Iguazu and their crazy coatis with a flight back to Buenos Aires. There was a wee bit of turbulence. By wee, I mean people were confessing deep, dark secrets and telling everyone around them how much they loved them. You think they applauded on earlier flights? This one got a standing ovation.

Our hotel is in the CUTEST neighborhood of Buenos Aires, called Recoleta. It has everything you could need, right within a quarter mile radius. Supermercado for cereal and foreign country gummies, Starbucks, a bakery, and the world's most beautiful library. For real. This biblioteca was boss. I got my annual foreign country haircut (because small talk blocking language barriers are where it's at) tonight... the hombre was on a time crunch. I think I was in the chair and out before Shandon could download "Despacito" from iTunes, which is her new jam.

P.S. Our hotel has an organic garden on the rooftop, and you are free to pick what you want. So put in your orders if you want a souvenir of Swiss chard.

Seven Wonders

So. Iguazu Falls. It's one of the seven natural wonders of the world (I mean, I didn't confirm that, but I'm just assuming). I think I read it on the Internet once, and the Internet never lies. Anyway... this fun fact has inspired me to make my own list.

The Seven Wonders of this Day

1. International breakfast buffets: stir-fry chicken? With a side of Fruit Loops? Absolutely.

2. Teresa the cab driver. We laughed, we cried, we mostly chuckled at each other, not understanding a single word of each other's language, but music has no language barrier. We carpool karaoked the daylights out of Four Non-Blondes. She couldn't understand why she was dropping us off at the crack of dawn when the park didn't open until 8, and we couldn't understand how she could just trust us to pay her "despues", at the end of the day on the second leg of a round trip fee. But I'll tell you what we DID understand. She knew what I meant when I crossed my fingers and said, "No coatis."

3. Being first. First in line for tickets, first in line for admission, first in line for the train. Being first had its perks. One guy practically on the graveyard shift (we were THAT early... I think. I couldn't check the time because my eyes were still burning) took us in the park early to see the toucans. Then we got kicked out and had to wait with the rest of the Falls-goers.

4. Garganta de Diablo (again, not looking it up to confirm name)... the Devil's Throat, the big kahuna of Iguazu Falls waterfalls ("saltas", as we say south of the Equator). We got off the train in the park and walked 1000m across metal bridge thingees (technical term) until we arrived at the most breathtaking amazingness.

5. Waterproof phone cases. The world's greatest invention since the Snuggie. No crazy mist coming from the saltas could slow us down.

6. The fast food market. You guys. That place was my fortress of safety from the killer coatis that were everywhere in the food court. We are talking jumping on tables, stalking men, women, and children, etc. The place was TEEMING and what did those little monsters want? Food. I heard the "3 empanadas for 75 pesos" special was their favorite... which happened to be in my backpack. Shandon and Tracy walked right through that battlefield, because NOTHING was going to keep them from the Lower Loop Trail. Me? If I had a sleeping bag, pretty sure the inside of that market is where you would find me to this day.

7. Argentinian enthusiasm. Remember how everyone clapped when the plane landed the other day? Turns out that is a favorite hobby of theirs. We went on the nautical tour, which means put everything in a dry bag and ride under a waterfall or two. After every bit of excitement, there was a round of applause. By round two and three, we could have passed for locals... clapping, yelling, "¡Mas! ¡Mas!"

In all, it was a glorious day of hiking and admiring... and coati and iguana panicking. Teresa picked us up and, lo and behold, that government tax thing is real. We had to show our passes to government officials on the main highway. In case you are curious, wearing your seatbelt is the law in Argentina. If you ever forget this law, don't worry. The government official who checks your tax pass will not let your vehicle through until each passenger has shown a fully clicked seatbelt. Just saying.

Coati Chop.

Sadly, we had to say good-bye to all our besties at the Glu Hotel this morning. We considered them besties; I think they considered throwing a parade to celebrate getting rid of us and our artificial sugar packets. We made it to the domestic airport by 6 a.m... just in time to have a bit of a run-in with TSA... the last people you want to have a run-in with. Pretty much ever. The lady kept repeating something that was in Tracy's bag, and this time all three of us stared blankly (no one speaks Buenos Aires TSA Agent). Tracy eventually had to relinquish her bug spray, along with her weapon against Zika.

We made it to the northern part of Argentina without further ado by 10:00. We had to wait a bit for the shuttle driver... a debacle that led to what could possibly be a sizable phone call charge on Shandon's bill. Alejandro eventually picked us up and we were off. Alejandro doesn't speak English. I can't say with any sort of confidence that we speak Spanish. Therefore, when Alejandro got pulled over by government officials and was asked questions about us, he couldn't answer. Turns out we were chosen (WINNERS!!) to pay a government tax of 25 pesos each. All we could do was ask Alejandro, "Normal?" To which he replied, "Normal." Who knows. Not us.

Post tax stop and pre-hotel arrival, we saw many animal crossings. You guys. Coati. They look so cute in the photo. Shandon proceeded to say they like to attack humans. Tracy proceeded to say they are a raccoon-monkey mix. I proceeded to say SOMEONE should have warned me about these things that apparently hang out at Iguazu Falls for food dropped by humans. Not so cute. I spent a significant amount of wi-fi time looking into coati rabies. Alejandro drove us through the jungle on a couple of unmarked roads until we arrived at our hotel. It is PARADISE. It was all hands on deck when we arrived to introduce us to every Argentinian employee on site, as well as bring us delicious freshly squeezed mango juice. I'm making that up... I haven't got a clue what flavor it was, because unless it's SIN PULPA, no thank you.

We worked out at the hotel gym which overlooks the jungle and the pool area, followed by lunch at the hotel. We got ourselves a map to the "town" and set out to see what we could see. When asking for directions to town, we were told, "No problem. Right, left, left." Right-left-left got us all the way out of the jungle to the main road (some of us were armed with coati sticks, just in case). The main highway included a huge traffic circle with a class of school children having PE. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable spot to log those PE minutes. The traffic circle and a couple of markets pretty much made up the town. At the supermarket, they wouldn't let us in with our backpacks. Shoplifting issue, you might think. No problem. We took out our wallets and handed the cashier our backpacks... which he put into one giant bag, zipped it up, and handed it to me. More like lugged it over to me; we then had to lug it all over the place... Tracy making HEE HAW sound effects all the while. At the second supermarket, the nice elderly cashier didn't speak a word of English, but pretending to fight a coati has no language barrier. Which she did and we understood.

Back at the hotel and spa, we thought a soak in the spa would be just the ticket. It was actually a Roman bath, with many, many rules and regulations. First step, dry sauna. Fifteen minutes, they said. It will be nice, they said. I lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 seconds. Second step, steam room, two thousand and three degrees.. NOPENOPENOPE. We had to sneak past the lady to the spa because she meant business when she said 15 minutes in steps one and two, but we do what we want. We even try to bring bug spray into the jungle.

Early night tonight and bright and early to Iguazu Falls in the morning!

You Can Go Uruguay...

Punctuality matters in this country. Last night, Diego asked what time we wanted a wake-up call. We said 6:30, he said, "Okay, six," and then they went ahead and called us at 5:30. Diego knows best, so who are we to argue? They brought breakfast in promptly at 6:00. This was their first visit, and NOT the last.

Phone call to lobby #1: Hi, can we have fake sugar for the coffee?

Man: Oh, yes! Yes!

Man arrives with sugar packets and leaves. It is not fake sweetener.

Phone call to lobby #2: Hi, we actually wanted FAKE sugar. Um... sugar sin sugar. Sin sugar?

Man: Oh, yes! I see! Yes! How many?

Shandon: Five.

Man arrives with five... croissants. True story.

Shandon: No, we wanted artificial sweetener, like Sweet and Low or Equal....

Man: Oh, yes! I see! Yes!

We were starting to think that perhaps, just maybe, he didn't quite see. But we did get five croissants out of the situation, so that's a plus. He came back with the "sugar sin sugar" and thanked us profusely for helping him meet his Fitbit step goal, all before 7 a.m. Not really.

Phone calls #3 and #4 involved more coffee and asking for him to call us a cab. If that won't put a post-it in your hotel file as annoying guests, I don't know what will.

Our cab driver took us to the ferry port, and pretty sure they based Grand Theft Auto on his driving skills. When he saw a corner coming up, he preferred to hit the gas rather than the brake; that's WAYYY more fun.

You know what else is fun? Argentinian Immigration Control. We got our exit stamp to leave Buenos Aires, then you just have to turn a full 180 to get your entry stamp into Uruguay from the counter right behind you. Very efficient.

One hour on the ferry and a trip through customs and we were on Uruguayian (??) soil. We wandered the town of Colonia all day and it was glorious. Lighthouse? Saw it. Stone wall? Climbed it. Cafe con leche? Drank it. Cobblestone streets? Tripped all over it. Old ruins? Loved it.

Colonia was just the best place to wander. When we got back to Buenos Aires, it was about 5:30, which in America is about time to wrap up the day. In Argentina, you have to get your second wind so you can make it to restaurant-opening time, which is 8 p.m. Soooo we went on an excursion to find the best local coffee shop - nothing commercialized for us. More lies. We were looking for Starbucks. Any Starbucks. That adventure was a fail, and we eventually had to give up and get a taxi to take us back to the Palermo neighborhood. That was almost a fail too, when the first cab driver denied us because it was just a bit too far for him to bother driving. We eventually found someone willing to take our 140 Argentinian pesos, and exactly twelve seconds after getting in the cab, we pulled up in front of... you guessed it... Starbucks. Fails all around.

We attempted to go to Sarkis restaurant (the food of my people), but the line was around the corner right at 8:00; all was well, though... we ended up with phenomenal tacos and called it a night. Next up... Iguazu!

Argentinian Adventuring

We're baaaaaaaaack! This time, we dusted off the ol' passports and headed for the best hemisphere of all... the Southern Hemisphere. We left bright and early to head to LAX to catch our connecting flight to Lima, Peru. We left Fresno with about thirty-seven hours to spare, but that's what happens when you travel with people as anxious about missing a flight as you are.

We spent our many hours wandering around the international terminal, watching the Warriors game, and making some serious last minute purchases. As in, neck pillows and airport books. You know, the important stuff.

This day made me grateful for many things:

1. The dedication Latam Airlines workers have to their jobs. I mean, we stood waiting for an employee to answer a quick question for at least 8 minutes while he straightened the posts for how to line up, while muttering, "Uno momento," over and over. If that doesn't scream Employee of the Month, I don't know what does.

2. Latam Airlines' quota for caloric intake. They like to feed you on their flights. 10:30 p.m.? How about a beef stew? Two vegetarian plates? How about a soy burger for you and a ravioli plate for you? You don't get to choose, just eat. 5:30 a.m.? Spinach and potatoes for everyone! 10:30 a.m.? How about an omelette of just eggs? In the meantime, if you are awake and your seat mates are sleeping, a flight attendant will reward you for good behavior with a Twix.

3. Latam Airlines blankets. Some airlines give you a washcloth-sized rag as you shiver your ways across lines of latitude. Not Latam. They went for the whole yard; and for that, we are really and truly grateful.

4. Latam Airlines safety policies. SOMEONE must have tipped them off on my trick of blatantly ignoring the seatbelt demonstration. P.S. Don't bother acting like you're sleeping. They will poke you, then wait oh-so-patiently until they hear the seatbelt click. Safety first.

5. The Parent of the Year behind us who told her two small children to keep their feet away from the seats in front of them. Seriously, not one teeny tiny kick in 8 hours. Bravo, Mom.

6. The lack of traffic on the 405.

7. Just kidding about #6. Making sure you were awake.

We made it to Lima safe and sound (and well fed), and were able to cut our four-hour layover into thirty minutes by getting on an earlier flight to Buenos Aires.

I don't know about you, but on the Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear on a Flight, I have, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are spraying aerosol throughout the cabin. Do not panic. It is not toxic to your health...." It happened, but we survived. Everyone was so glad to not be poisoned that the entire airplane applauded upon touching ground. We had a quick ATM issue that was resolved in no time. We had booked a taxi back in like March of 2014 (one of us is really a planner), so a porter was ready and willing to take us. He managed to get us all the way from the airport doors to the taxi driver (quite a feat... we are talking AT LEAST 40 yards), after which he repeated, "A tip for the porter. Ma'am? A tip for the porter?!" Tracy and I stared blankly, not understanding in the slightest, but Shandon speaks Argentinian porter, apparently.

An hour later we were at our hotel and Diego was waiting with waters (two sparkling, one flat, please), and three converter plugs. Basically all we need... ever. Since the nation was on siesta, we had to wait until 8 pm for the restaurants to open, so we spent our time finding our local market and our local bakery and experimenting crossing major streets without crosswalks. Dinner was seafood and day one is done!

Tromso. TromsGO. TromSNOW.

So, there's that pesky little line on the bucket list: "See the Northern Lights." Sometimes you attempt to see them in June in Norway, which really means you just didn't bother googling that it is impossible, since the sun never sets in the summer. So sometimes you have to go BACK to Norway again....

I was prepared this time! We had protein bars galore because everyone knows you can't really afford to eat in that country, and I had some leftover krone in my wallet that I had to separate from the Abraham Lincolns. Fun fact: the Norwegian krone coins have holes in the middle. This means every time you grab a kroner, you think of donuts, and you also think how you are not willing to spend six bucks on a donut in this place. Back to business....

Nyrie (cousin on my mom's side) and I left Fresno at the break of dawn and picked up Gray (cousin on my dad's side) in Visalia shortly thereafter. The quote of the day was when Nyrie was telling a story about a recent trip and Gray said MOST incredulously, "You went on an international trip with someone you JUST met?" There was a long pause for dramatic effect because about an hour earlier I had been introducing these two BFFs in the car.

We each had our own row on the flight on the way over, which was glorious. Glorious.

Our first stop was Stockholm, Sweden, and there is nothing like a long enough layover to get a stamp in your passport by wandering the big city for a few! The train from the airport to Stockholm featured a "3 for 1" special. We ordered 6. Three to get there, three to get back, yes? Makes perfect sense, agreed? WRONG. Turns out we needed one ticket for all three of us, which means we paid what equated to $300 to go fifteen minutes on a train. Oh, Stockholm. You kill us with your confusing kiosks. In case you're concerned, we got a refund and all was well in the world. Our trek into Stockholm consisted of coffee (kaffe), a church, and a market in a square. Then back to our flights... we stopped in Oslo for a bit. Not long enough to explore, but long enough to explore the duty-free shops looking for Haribo tropi-fruiti gummies. You know you might have a sugar addiction when you have a favorite candy in every port. It's a problem because you can't find these candies in America, and no matter how many you buy, you can never make the bag last to make it back to America. Oh the struggle.

We made it to Tromso, Norway, late on Wednesday. Our cab driver warned us Norwegians are "practical"... standby for examples. It was cold, but not miserable. On a scale of 1-5, with 1 being COLD and 5 being frostbite, it was a 1. Our first night consisted of wandering Tromso and finding our local restaurant - Huken's Pub. We would eventually eat there many, many times. They had three main dishes - blueberry pancakes, burger, and a "potato jacket" - a baked potato with toppings. We all swore we wanted to try each thing, but every time we returned I couldn't turn my back on that lovely potato jacket. We played Norwegian Scrabble at the place, which is basically like our Scrabble, only there are a ton of K's.

If "wander through a Hallmark movie" is on YOUR bucket list, I would like to highly recommend Tromso, Norway. That is the best visual I can give you.

Our first morning in Tromso it was dark as night, so we did what anyone would do. We asked Siri what time the sun would rise. That Siri. She never fails to amuse. "The sun will rise in Tromso, Norway, on January 17, 2017." *picture wide-eyed emoji* Gray: I thought it was the sun rising, but it was just some truck lights.... :) Because of the constant darkness (lightER between 12 and 2ish, but never sun) we basically just stayed on American time. We stayed up late each night and slept in late each morning.

A few examples of Norwegian most practical answers...

Nyrie: What do we do on the whale tour? Practical Norwegian: Look at whales.

Gray: Where is the pharmacy? Practical Norwegian: Further.

Nyrie: What is in the sandwich? Practical Norwegian: sandwich meats.

Some important statistics from the week...

Number of trips to urgent care... 1 (no Dayquil for you, you must get a prescription for that)

Games of Yahtzee played... 342ish

Coldest weather we encountered... -4

Snow angels made... 4

Times we thought Gray might legitimately have frostbite... 1.

Times we weren't able to figure out the Norwegian public bus system... I can't count that high.

The best adventure was New Years Eve. We met our tour at 6 and headed out to "chase" the Northern Lights with our tour guide, Jacek, and four of our new friends... a family from Thailand, and a traveler from Israel. Jacek was more pumped about the fireworks he had purchased for the evening than anything else, and that gave us an indication it was going to be a good night. We found the "aurora" about two hours outside of Tromso, away from the artificial light. It was relatively clear and we were able to get some photos and drink some hot chocolate and sit on reindeer skins and enjoy our full-on snow suits from Jacek. Cold level: 3. We wanted to cross into Finland, but Jacek got reports from a fellow chaser it wasn't clear over there, so unfortunately we couldn't check off another country that night. We did go through some serious snow storms as we searched for more clear skies, but the highlight (other than viewing the lights) was when it was thirty seconds from midnight. Jacek pulled over in a snowstorm, we blew our air horns, he shot off some fireworks that MAYBE leaned on the side of dangerous, we passed around ring cake, pulled some poppers, and had a most wonderful moment with our newest friends. We ended the evening with a bonfire, complete with reindeer sausage, whale burger, a Thailand vs. USA snowman building contest, and everyone having to push the van out of the snow when it got stuck. We got back to Tromso around 3 a.m. and celebrated New Years with New York and Chicago before heading to bed at 7 a.m. post Yahtzee-and-Tavloo tournamenting. We couldn't quite make it to the California New Year, but hey.

Another fun adventure was dog-sledding. Cold level: 4. Full snowsuits provided. We yelled MUSH about fifty million times and had ourselves a grand old time. The owner passed out coffee and a homemade cake treat (flat with "brown cheese" and sugar), and taught us his secret handshake.

Because Jacek couldn't get us into Finland, one day he sent his friend, Simone, to take us. Simone was the jam. He took us to the frozen fjords of the Arctic Ocean (see the Arctic Ocean? check.) and told us some people drive on them. We asked if we could walk on them, and Gray told him if we fell through, he could just leave. His response: Yes, I will walk away whistling. This is how we knew we would have a good time. And by good time... I mean smelling burning rubber every three minutes and Simone having to deal with the brake freezing to the... whatever a brake would freeze to in a vehicle. We made it to Finland and crossed the FINNISH line. That line never gets old... Cold level: 5. Enter our legitimate fear of frostbite... but worth it. Because, as they say, "It's not how you start. It's how you FINNISH." They don't say that. But we do when trying to brainstorm Finnish puns. One thing they do say here is "There is no such thing as bad weather. Just bad clothing."

After returning from Finland, we had a little downtime before heading out on our Northern Lights snowmobiling adventure! Again, we went about two hours outside of Tromso, this time to Camp Tamok, which looked like a bunch of giant tepees and nothing else. We took every warmth object they offered, from snowsuits to face masks to overboots to gloves. Cold level: 5 again... but ABSOLUTELY worth it. The Northern Lights were in FULL effect, even more impressive than what we had seen on New Years. They filled the whole sky and moved constantly. Just your average night at Camp Tamok... :) Snowmobiling was an adventure! Nyrie and I took turns and driving was definitely more fun, but as a passenger you could just lean your helmet back and watch the lights... so win win. Another win win was the reindeer stew waiting for us back in one of the giant tepees, along with more of the brown cheese dessert special.

The next day was our last in Tromso... we had the full day to enjoy one more potato jacket, one more frolic through the cutest town ever, and then we were off to Oslo. There we stayed awake all night in the Oslo airport (Yahtzee? Played it. Tavloo? Played it. Yoga? Did it.), followed by saying goodbye to Nyrie as we headed to a layover in Sweden and she headed to a layover in Newark. After Sweden, Gray and I boarded our eleven hour flight to LAX and completely passed out. It was the fastest flight of all time when you sleep through the whole thing. We made it to Los Angeles and guess what was waiting for us?? THE SUN!

Until next time... :)