Rooster crows and catamaran bows

 I realize the title doesn’t rhyme. I’m

hoping you read it as if it does. 

Pour yourself a cup of coffee (use creamer if you want to make us jealous) and channel your inner Moana and join us remotely… 

This year’s adventure took us straight into the heart of French Polynesia… a little “Laura Laura in Bora Bora,” if you will. One group text a mile long describing in detail all the things each of us would be packing (including, but not limited to, a complete pharmacy and medical tape), 

one quick little drive to SF, and an extremely uneventful 8 hour flight in the best way possible (imagine no crying babies, no seat kickers, lots of snacks) and we were in Tahiti! I don’t know about you, but turns out being serenaded by the local band upon arrival is a new thing I will now be expecting everywhere. Pull it together, FAT. 

Our Papeete hotel was a quick cab drive away and was perfect for a one night stay. I was particularly fond of the Tahitian ingenuity of magic tricks! They threw a sheet over a piece of cardboard and said TA DA, there’s the fourth bed! It was genius! Nothing a little ibuprofen from the traveling pharmacy couldn’t solve. 

After a quick stop at a Shell station to get someone a new toothbrush because their original was accidentally compromised, we headed for the ferry to Moorea with time to spare! We left the seasick (Heather) down below with the peons (although turns out the snack bar had CHICKEN BROTH FLAVORED CHIPS) and enjoyed a ride on the starboard side getting us to the most beautiful land of all… Moorea. Picture some mountains, some ocean, some roosters, some more roosters, just a few more roosters… and there you have it. 

We hopped in a taxi with an English speaking delight named Jazliene. That’s what I called her. Some of us called her “what’s her face” and some of us called her by her actual name, but I’m not some of us. She got us to to our Airbnb by some miracle, since our directions said things like “if you get to the 37th rooster, you’re almost there”, etc etc. Our gracious Airbnb host, Antoine, was waiting for us… however, he only spoke French so he may have been livid and we’ll never know. What we DO know is he gave us a ride to the grocery store to grab the essentials (you know, like cheese and paper towels), as well as the scooter rental place. Poor Antoine had to be our liaison as we tried to convince them in English we were FULLY CAPABLE of driving two scooters whilst scooter man tried to convince Antoine we most certainly were not, only in Francais. 

We won the battle but lost the war, as it turns out. (All French jokes aside.) We got our scooters, we regretted it, we had some injuries, some scooters crashed, an ankle was significantly bruised, some scooters refused to be pushed up the hill to the Airbnb… long story short, we returned the scooters for a car the next day. 

Before that, though, we ate a lovely lunch beachside, pushed the scooters manually up a most massive hill amidst some feral dogs and an even feraler poultry situation, had a delightful cheese plate at a resort across the street while watching the sunset, did not panic at all over a couple foreign bugs, and called it a night. 

Remember the scooters? They were the worst, right? Well, we left them with our friends at Moorea Fun Bike bright and early (imagine a French man clapping with glee and delight that we survived the night with those death traps), and Jazliene/whatever her name was picked us up and dropped us off down the way with a cheery, “The waterfall is that way, have fun!” The “trail” to the waterfall was basically a dirt road through some private property and included some super fun wildlife! By “super fun wildlife”, I mean pit bulls. And wild German shepherds. And chihuahuas. All the canine fun! By some miracle, we made it to a waterfall and had a lovely time playing a game of “I’m going to go for a swim right here wait was that a python or an eel HEEEEEELP”. It was really the best game ever. Turns out it was an eel. Jazliene told us later, “Heh heh, forgot to tell you about those,” which is code for “I almost let you get killed.” It was an eel, if you’re curious. No snakes on this island, according to Captain Ron (you’ll meet him later, promise). Jazliene picked us up on the side of the road afterward and dropped us back off at Moorea Fun Bike (yeah, the scooter place that nightmares are made of) in order for us to get our car. This is how it went…

Us: There’s no one here.

Nyrie: I’ll WhatsApp him. Hi, we’re here to pick up our car. 

Moorea Fun Bike Guy (in French accent): Ooooh. We don’t have a car for you. 

Nyrie: What? We are supposed to pick up a car today. 

Moorea Fun Bike Guy (still speaking in French accent for some reason): We don’t have a car. Wait for me, please. I’ll be there in five minutes. 

Us… waiting for five minutes… 

Moorea Fun Bike Guy shows up…: Here’s your car!

Are you confused? Us too. 

You know what else is confusing? When you’re trying to find a tour you booked over at some beach and you call the guy and say, “We’re parked by a blue van and there are some tires on the road.” Leo the tour guy said, “That’s a great spot, stay there!” 

Who needs Google Maps? As long as you’ve got a blue van and some tires in the road for reference, it’s all good. The tour itself was for a sunset catamaran cruise. Sounds like a relaxing good time, yes? Not if you ACCIDENTALLY wear your shoes on deck (he hates that). Not if you ACCIDENTALLY yell, “You better hang on, spider monkey!” as you grip the underside of the net after cowabungaing into the water (he also really hates that). Regardless, hanging out on a catamaran net during a three hour tour of open water chasing the sunset was unreal. 

After Leo dropped us off and practically peeled out to get away from us (which is not easy to do in a boat), we headed to the Hilton to see how the other half lives on this island… and to try their over the water crepe restaurant. It’s like trying to get into Fort Sumter. Lady at gate? Didn’t believe that we would attempt it without a reservation… until she called us in and, three cheers for us, there had just been a cancellation! Lady in lobby? Didn’t believe we had a reservation. Four cheers for us, she had to eat rooster when she found out we did. (No one eats crow around here due to the surplus of roosters). The crepe restaurant was great, with the highlight being reef sharks just under our feet, hoping to get bits of crepe. I guess they are French sharks. Le sharks, perhaps!

Back to Cook’s Bay for a night of falling asleep while blissfully listening to the waves and the crowing of very confused roosters who can’t tell time!

Mas Quito. Mosquito.

  Let’s start with a joke…

Once upon a time there was a trip planned for Ecuador for June 2020. The end. 

Hahahaha oh man good one. A trip in June 2020. As if.

But here we are, making good on that itinerary two years later. 

Only a COUPLE things stood in the way between us and an Amazonian anaconda. 

1. Just a little civil unrest in June in which the embassy said don’t you dare come here. We all know I like a good dare, but when it comes from the embassy, that’s where I draw the line. 

2. Just a little earthquake the day before to really keep us on our toes. 

3. Just a little RT-PCR situation with results promised in 24 hours, but the soonest we could get ours was exactly 23 hours before take-off. Hashtag shrug.

4. Just a little passport situation. You know, when you’re waiting on one passport to arrive and the day you are leaving for LAX it shows up at 3:30? No? Not standard procedure? It’s been awhile for international travel, we weren’t sure. 

Anyway. The civil unrest ended, the embassy said come on over (actually, they said, “Please refer to the embassy website for any information,” but I totally knew what they meant), the civilians were again allowed to travel by road, the travel advisory went back to a level 2, no covid was detected in the PCRs, the passport showed up, etc etc etc. 

All that was prepping us for the biggest challenge of all… the Los Angeles airport hotel parking garage. If it was left to a certain branch of the family tree of this group, we’d still be circling… and probably crying. Luckily Nyrie and her wingman Shan handled business and we aren’t still wondering how in tarnation to find level three. 

Maybe we are all out of practice, but put me on record as saying JetBlue has the best snacks. Graham crackers? Sure thing. Cheez-its? You got it. Popcorn? Would you like it with a side of graham crackers and Cheez-its?

We made it to Quito, a friendly fellow was waiting for us, and we soon arrived at the cutest hotel on the planet. Our friend at the front desk didn’t speak English, we don’t speak Spanish (don’t tell the Duolingo people, they will be so disappointed in my lack of progress), but you don’t need to speak the same language to show your appreciation for the hotel room with the spiral staircase leading up to the loft. 

Our first full day started with breakfast (ahem, “desayuno”) in the courtyard served by Josue. Turns out the morning crew does speak English. As does the morning crew give you a hotel tour that includes a wine cave and a rooftop view of all of Quito and an explanation of every church you can see, which I’m sure was a lot of really good information. I’m sure of it. 

Quito day highlights per our driver Jimmy…

A gondola situation, a SUPER FUN VOLCANO CRATER that we could see zero percent of due to fog, and… wait for it… hanging out on both sides of the equator at the same time. It was the best game of Twister ever. Southern Hemisphere, right foot. Northern Hemisphere, left foot. Local chocolate samples, right hand. Half a beef jerky stick found at the bottom of a backpack, left hand.

The equator situation included a museum where you could watch the water drain counter clockwise then cross the line and watch the water drain clockwise… and an egg trick at latitude zero to see if you could make it stand up on its own. It was harder than you’d think, that’s no yolk. It was pretty eggciting when one of us was able to do it… just Nyrie. Daughter of a jeweler with those steady hands.

Jimmy dropped us off at the restaurant for dinner and let me tell you… getting that message across to him was no small feat. Kudos to Google Translate. After dinner who was waiting for us at the hotel with a prize? Front desk Mirian, the proprietor of the haberdashery. As her favorite hotel guests ever, she wanted us to have a “memory of Quito”, according to Google Translate. First prize? Stuffed llama. Second prize? Homemade friendship bracelet. Third prize? A request for us to complete a five star Trip Advisor review. She hit us with the ol’ stuffed llama trick. We fall for it every time.

The next day was Nyrie’s birthday! We went down to the courtyard to prepare the breakfast table and before we knew it, a ladder appeared out of nowhere and Miriam and her posse hung the banner, blew up the balloons, and started playing music before we could even put the candles in her scrambled eggs. But no one wants scrambled eggs for birthday breakfast… instead, Miriam brought out a cake and proceeded to shove Nyrie’s face in it. A successful start!

The team of Joel (guide) and Miguel (driver of Mr. Miguel’s Wild Ride) picked us up in the van and we headed off for the Amazon. The ride usually takes about 5 hours, but Miguel laughs in the face of suggested travel time. Jajaja, he says as he tries to get air over every speed bump. Every time we stopped to take a picture of the view (which entailed just hitting the brakes in the middle of the road, no need to pull over, no problema), Miguel got PUMPED at the opportunity to make up for lost time. 

The day included chocolate covered banana cake for Nyrie at stop one… the same coffee shop that had us participate in tequila tasting. We learned firsthand how knowledgeable and thorough Joel was going to be with all our questions. Exhibit A: Joel, why is there a seahorse in the bottom of the tequila? Joel: Because they put it in there. We tried out some street food (the gutsiest of the crowd tried grubs… I won’t say which of us, but their names rhyme with Paura and Pandon) and thirteen photo stops and twelve bathroom breaks later, we arrived at the river to take the canoe to Casa del Suizo on the island. Imagine the coolest place ever. Then put it in the rainforest. Now place two huts overlooking the river. You nailed it. 

We dropped off our stuff and headed straight to an authentic shaman who taught us how to do really important things, like taste tea out of these wooden guys without thinking about if they had ever been washed. Or try this plant or that plant and just assume they weren’t poisonous because I’ve certainly never encountered a lying shaman. I have, however, encountered a barefoot shaman in a headdress who will show you how to hit a wooden monkey with a blow gun. All in a day’s work in the rainforest. 

Birthday dinner was back at the resort with a buffet and a serenade!

Amazon day was next… first up, the canoe to the first stop, an animal rehab center. We saw more animals in the wild than caged. I don’t remember what. Trust me. It was a hoot. If you were concerned about the safety of us heading on an Amazonian hike with Joel and Luis, don’t worry. I had the machete. Turns out it was Luis the guide’s birthday, and also turns out we had a leftover banner so we celebrated in the rainforest again. We rafted down the Amazon next in our rafts straight to the lunch hut, where Shandon participated in some banana harvesting. Want to have a banana? Here, take this giant stick from the three year old and hit the trunk until the bananas surrender. That’s banana harvesting in a nutshell. In a banana peel, if you will. Heather got some wild plant manicure from Joel, Nyrie got to make chocolate for us in yet another hut, Shandon got Shandon-harvested bananas, and yours truly got 1,000 sandfly bites. Who is the winner here? It’s hard to tell. 

Post Amazon pool time, a massage for Nyrie, a sunset for Shandon, and our last dinner with the guides, and making everyone play “what was your favorite part of today” Charades style. Rafting, wild ant eating, and stick your hand in a termite nest took the cake. We fell asleep again to the sound of the river! 

Saturday:

Let’s play two truths and a lie. Which didn’t happen?

1. In a restaurant, the lights went out, a chime played, and a monk wandered around with a smoke machine and desserts. 

2. As we were driving back to Quito, we were stopped at a police checkpoint and the driver’s license was checked and turned out he got a little bit detained and he left and Joel was out on the side of the road on his phone and a stranger jumped in the car and we thought it was a hijacking and Shandon grabbed the window breaker as a weapon and I wished I hadn’t returned the machete and it was okay because he was safe and going to drive us to safety. 

3. The sandfly bites have mutinied against me and my ankle is swollen to three times its size. 

I cheated, these are all true.

Anyway… it was just all in a day’s work in the rainforest.

California Staycation!

Last year, I spent Christmas break dog sledding under the Northern Lights in Tromso, Norway. It was neat. You know what’s neater? A nice vacation in Clovis. Clovis, New Mexico, you ask? Nope. Clovis, California.

It’s amazing here! It’s the last antiquing opportunity before you get to Yosemite... it’s the birthplace of House of Juju... you can get a Kuppa Joy honey latte, check out the clearance rack at Tuesday Morning, wonder what in the world rolled ice cream is, and sniff a candle or two at Revival 23, all in the matter of minutes. Why anyone would vacation anywhere else, I really don’t know.

 Day 1 in Old Town Clovis started with a pipe bursting in my attic, which is a REALLY efficient way to get yourself some new sheetrock. Sheetrock fell, house flooded, neighbors visited... it was really quite lovely, if you’re intrigued by tsunamis and other rogue waves. Enter leaving the neighborhood and commencing vacation at a hotel in Old Town. Near to walking trails, 0.4 miles from the nearest Starbucks, and a giant jar of Jolly Ranchers in the lobby. What’s not to love!? Upon arrival, I kept it classy by bringing in my clothes while still on hangers. It’s fine, guys. They don’t judge in Clovis. Turns out a complimentary dinner is included on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. As luck would have it, it was Wednesday. It could have gone down as the luckiest day in history. I tried to extrovert at complimentary dinner, but there wasn’t anyone there. This gem of a place won’t stay a secret much longer! I spent the evening marveling at my new digs. I mean, wouldn’t you?

 Day 2 Saw all the sights in Clovis today! Started with a lovely breakfast with all my fellow hotel guests (the three of us loved it)... enjoyed a walk on the trail... found the jug of cucumber infused water on the first floor... checked out the gym... basically just lived the dream.

Day 3
Once, twice, three days in Clovis meant it was time was for some serious sightseeing... real deal.  The stuff people travel north of Shaw for, like a statue of a doctor who did something super important and ended up with his name on a plaque right on the Clovis Trail.

I started my day with the other two hotel guests, but there was no time to sit around and compare our travel itineraries.  As luck would have it, I have an old college friend, Shandon, who happens to live in town.  She was gracious enough to offer to show this tourist around town today.  Starting with bike rentals (and by rental, I mean just using our regular bikes that we own), we headed north on the trail with a stop at the world famous Biscotti House... apparently, people come from miles around to enjoy the biscotti tasting room.  We found the aforementioned doctor statue, the town's oldest bookstore, even some deserted rodeo grounds.  Is there any end to the joys this town offers??

We stumbled across the cutest little children's clothing boutique today... the owner of Cavelle Kids was gracious enough to let us take her two children on a rolled ice cream adventure.  Yesterday, I had to just wonder what that was... today, I lived it.

Even managed a visit with some family today!  How fortunate to have both brothers and sisters-in-law right nearby on this trip.

Things have really picked up at the hotel today... apparently, Clovis is hosting a wrestling tournament, and since this is THE place to be, it makes sense the out-of-towners such as myself would choose this place.  The Jolly Rancher jar is almost empty and everything.

This relaxing vacation... I have no words. Until tomorrow... ;)