Mas Quito. Mosquito.

  Let’s start with a joke…

Once upon a time there was a trip planned for Ecuador for June 2020. The end. 

Hahahaha oh man good one. A trip in June 2020. As if.

But here we are, making good on that itinerary two years later. 

Only a COUPLE things stood in the way between us and an Amazonian anaconda. 

1. Just a little civil unrest in June in which the embassy said don’t you dare come here. We all know I like a good dare, but when it comes from the embassy, that’s where I draw the line. 

2. Just a little earthquake the day before to really keep us on our toes. 

3. Just a little RT-PCR situation with results promised in 24 hours, but the soonest we could get ours was exactly 23 hours before take-off. Hashtag shrug.

4. Just a little passport situation. You know, when you’re waiting on one passport to arrive and the day you are leaving for LAX it shows up at 3:30? No? Not standard procedure? It’s been awhile for international travel, we weren’t sure. 

Anyway. The civil unrest ended, the embassy said come on over (actually, they said, “Please refer to the embassy website for any information,” but I totally knew what they meant), the civilians were again allowed to travel by road, the travel advisory went back to a level 2, no covid was detected in the PCRs, the passport showed up, etc etc etc. 

All that was prepping us for the biggest challenge of all… the Los Angeles airport hotel parking garage. If it was left to a certain branch of the family tree of this group, we’d still be circling… and probably crying. Luckily Nyrie and her wingman Shan handled business and we aren’t still wondering how in tarnation to find level three. 

Maybe we are all out of practice, but put me on record as saying JetBlue has the best snacks. Graham crackers? Sure thing. Cheez-its? You got it. Popcorn? Would you like it with a side of graham crackers and Cheez-its?

We made it to Quito, a friendly fellow was waiting for us, and we soon arrived at the cutest hotel on the planet. Our friend at the front desk didn’t speak English, we don’t speak Spanish (don’t tell the Duolingo people, they will be so disappointed in my lack of progress), but you don’t need to speak the same language to show your appreciation for the hotel room with the spiral staircase leading up to the loft. 

Our first full day started with breakfast (ahem, “desayuno”) in the courtyard served by Josue. Turns out the morning crew does speak English. As does the morning crew give you a hotel tour that includes a wine cave and a rooftop view of all of Quito and an explanation of every church you can see, which I’m sure was a lot of really good information. I’m sure of it. 

Quito day highlights per our driver Jimmy…

A gondola situation, a SUPER FUN VOLCANO CRATER that we could see zero percent of due to fog, and… wait for it… hanging out on both sides of the equator at the same time. It was the best game of Twister ever. Southern Hemisphere, right foot. Northern Hemisphere, left foot. Local chocolate samples, right hand. Half a beef jerky stick found at the bottom of a backpack, left hand.

The equator situation included a museum where you could watch the water drain counter clockwise then cross the line and watch the water drain clockwise… and an egg trick at latitude zero to see if you could make it stand up on its own. It was harder than you’d think, that’s no yolk. It was pretty eggciting when one of us was able to do it… just Nyrie. Daughter of a jeweler with those steady hands.

Jimmy dropped us off at the restaurant for dinner and let me tell you… getting that message across to him was no small feat. Kudos to Google Translate. After dinner who was waiting for us at the hotel with a prize? Front desk Mirian, the proprietor of the haberdashery. As her favorite hotel guests ever, she wanted us to have a “memory of Quito”, according to Google Translate. First prize? Stuffed llama. Second prize? Homemade friendship bracelet. Third prize? A request for us to complete a five star Trip Advisor review. She hit us with the ol’ stuffed llama trick. We fall for it every time.

The next day was Nyrie’s birthday! We went down to the courtyard to prepare the breakfast table and before we knew it, a ladder appeared out of nowhere and Miriam and her posse hung the banner, blew up the balloons, and started playing music before we could even put the candles in her scrambled eggs. But no one wants scrambled eggs for birthday breakfast… instead, Miriam brought out a cake and proceeded to shove Nyrie’s face in it. A successful start!

The team of Joel (guide) and Miguel (driver of Mr. Miguel’s Wild Ride) picked us up in the van and we headed off for the Amazon. The ride usually takes about 5 hours, but Miguel laughs in the face of suggested travel time. Jajaja, he says as he tries to get air over every speed bump. Every time we stopped to take a picture of the view (which entailed just hitting the brakes in the middle of the road, no need to pull over, no problema), Miguel got PUMPED at the opportunity to make up for lost time. 

The day included chocolate covered banana cake for Nyrie at stop one… the same coffee shop that had us participate in tequila tasting. We learned firsthand how knowledgeable and thorough Joel was going to be with all our questions. Exhibit A: Joel, why is there a seahorse in the bottom of the tequila? Joel: Because they put it in there. We tried out some street food (the gutsiest of the crowd tried grubs… I won’t say which of us, but their names rhyme with Paura and Pandon) and thirteen photo stops and twelve bathroom breaks later, we arrived at the river to take the canoe to Casa del Suizo on the island. Imagine the coolest place ever. Then put it in the rainforest. Now place two huts overlooking the river. You nailed it. 

We dropped off our stuff and headed straight to an authentic shaman who taught us how to do really important things, like taste tea out of these wooden guys without thinking about if they had ever been washed. Or try this plant or that plant and just assume they weren’t poisonous because I’ve certainly never encountered a lying shaman. I have, however, encountered a barefoot shaman in a headdress who will show you how to hit a wooden monkey with a blow gun. All in a day’s work in the rainforest. 

Birthday dinner was back at the resort with a buffet and a serenade!

Amazon day was next… first up, the canoe to the first stop, an animal rehab center. We saw more animals in the wild than caged. I don’t remember what. Trust me. It was a hoot. If you were concerned about the safety of us heading on an Amazonian hike with Joel and Luis, don’t worry. I had the machete. Turns out it was Luis the guide’s birthday, and also turns out we had a leftover banner so we celebrated in the rainforest again. We rafted down the Amazon next in our rafts straight to the lunch hut, where Shandon participated in some banana harvesting. Want to have a banana? Here, take this giant stick from the three year old and hit the trunk until the bananas surrender. That’s banana harvesting in a nutshell. In a banana peel, if you will. Heather got some wild plant manicure from Joel, Nyrie got to make chocolate for us in yet another hut, Shandon got Shandon-harvested bananas, and yours truly got 1,000 sandfly bites. Who is the winner here? It’s hard to tell. 

Post Amazon pool time, a massage for Nyrie, a sunset for Shandon, and our last dinner with the guides, and making everyone play “what was your favorite part of today” Charades style. Rafting, wild ant eating, and stick your hand in a termite nest took the cake. We fell asleep again to the sound of the river! 

Saturday:

Let’s play two truths and a lie. Which didn’t happen?

1. In a restaurant, the lights went out, a chime played, and a monk wandered around with a smoke machine and desserts. 

2. As we were driving back to Quito, we were stopped at a police checkpoint and the driver’s license was checked and turned out he got a little bit detained and he left and Joel was out on the side of the road on his phone and a stranger jumped in the car and we thought it was a hijacking and Shandon grabbed the window breaker as a weapon and I wished I hadn’t returned the machete and it was okay because he was safe and going to drive us to safety. 

3. The sandfly bites have mutinied against me and my ankle is swollen to three times its size. 

I cheated, these are all true.

Anyway… it was just all in a day’s work in the rainforest.